Posts
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Dumbest Criminals
Three convicts escape from jail and are being chased by police. They turn onto a dark alley and spot a bunch of potato sacks. Each of the three hide in one.
A policeman quickly comes through the scene and hears a rustling from the potato sacks. He goes over to them and kicks the first potato sack.
'Meow!' says the a convict. And the policeman goes to the next muttering, 'Stupid cats.
'He kicks the second potato sack and the second convict says, 'Woof!'
'Stupid dogs!' says the policeman while moving on to the next potato sack.
The policeman kicks it, nothing,
so he kicks it again and the last convict says, 'Potato potato!'
A policeman quickly comes through the scene and hears a rustling from the potato sacks. He goes over to them and kicks the first potato sack.
'Meow!' says the a convict. And the policeman goes to the next muttering, 'Stupid cats.
'He kicks the second potato sack and the second convict says, 'Woof!'
'Stupid dogs!' says the policeman while moving on to the next potato sack.
The policeman kicks it, nothing,
so he kicks it again and the last convict says, 'Potato potato!'
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Pro's To Getting Old
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this list.}
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this list.}
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
DOCTOR HUMOR
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist"
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist"
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Relationship Humor
Nothing Cooking Tonight
This man walks into the kitchen, looks at his wife and says "My God, your ass is getting as big as a barbeque". That night they are in bed and he is getting frisky. She turns to him and says "If you think that I am going to fire up the barbeque for one little wiener, then you're crazy".
This man walks into the kitchen, looks at his wife and says "My God, your ass is getting as big as a barbeque". That night they are in bed and he is getting frisky. She turns to him and says "If you think that I am going to fire up the barbeque for one little wiener, then you're crazy".
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